It's All About Gender

In some languages, nouns have a gender. These are some english nouns that should have a gender and why.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS: female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

TIRE: male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES: female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE: female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE: male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER: female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

SUBWAY: male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS: female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER: male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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UPDATES

PARKING SPOT: female, because the good ones are always taken.

PC: female. For Windows, she's the cheap whore. For Mac, she's the harsh mistress. And Linux, of course, is the psychotic ex.

(Submitted by Emil)

CAR ENGINES: female, because it needs to be warmed up first.

(Submitted by Erly)