Away From Home In 25 Days.. And Counting!

DAY ONE
Got into the airport. Waited there for almost 3 hours before boarding. Made friends with some foreigners. Ordered a nice cup of capucchino. Bought a magazine. And heard a woman mentioned my name (along with my interpretations).

"Last call to Mr. Pribadi Prananta..."
(Where the heck are you, bastard?)

"..passanger of Flight 574 destination.. (cut)"
(Yes, you who slipped your ticket inside the magazine you've just bought!)

"Please board into the plane..."
(Get your ass into the fucking plane, goddamit!!)

"..through Gate 17..."
(Can?t you read?!)

"... and please report on board..."
(We're gonna eat you alive!)


DAY TWO
Finally, a civilization on ground! After frustating hours inside plane. With a woman who seems to pushed all the energy to her mouth for spreading useless informations on my left seat (at this point I consider an earphone as a masterpiece device man has invented). And a bunch of clouds making funny faces and shapes on my right.

Got a pink note with several numbers written on it (081178XXXX... Yippie!) from Clara, the stewardess. Then she made a pose with her hand to mimic a phone. "Wow, cool! Could you do rabbit?" I asked. And the show-offs finally ended after she posed a Lamborghini, Eiffel Tower, and an elephant running from a mouse.

Called a cab and off easily to the hotel, or as I thought... (to be continued)

The Endless Conversation

"...mmmm..."
"knapa?"
"ga pa pa"
"kok gitu"
"gitu gimana?"
"ya..mmmm.. gitu"
"emang knapa?"
"ga pa pa..."
"terus kenapa nanya"
"pengen tau aja"
"pengen tau mulu"
"emang ga boleh"
"ya boleh aja"
"ya udah, ga pa pa kan!?"
"emang ga pa pa"
"apa???"
"...ngga!"
"apa?"
"ngga pa pa"
"apaan siy..."
"apa yg apaan?"
"tadi apaan?"
"apa?"
"tadi ngomong apa?"
"ngomong apa?"
"iya tadi ngomong apa?"
"yg mana?"
"aku tadi ga denger"
"ya udah"
"kok ya udah"
"abis?"
"aku kan pengen tau"
"tau apaan?"
"ya yg tadi"
"udah ah ga penting"
"ga penting ya?"
"iya!"
"tau darimana ga penting"
"ya tau aja"
"tapi aku kan belum tau"
"makanya aku kasih tau"
"belum"
"belum apa"
"kamu belum ngasih tau"
"udah"
"belum"
"kan udah bilang, ga penting"
"tapi belum bilang knapa ga penting"
"krn ga penting...utk dikasih tau"
"jadi...ga mo kasih tau?"
"apaan?"
"ya tadi...."
"....."
"ga mau ya?ya udah deh..."

______
NOTE: My cell phone battery was out because of that. Thank you so much, dear (",)

Diagnosing via Web

The internet really is a boon for hypochondriacs. Right now, for instance, I'm feeling a shooting pain on the side of my neck. Out of curiosity, I tried to take some tests in some site. And it produces five matches, the first three for a condition called Arnold-Chiari Malformation. What the heck is that??

This is the wonderful thing about looking up your symptoms on the Internet. Very quickly you find yourself distracted from your aches and pains. The symptom list for that Arnold-Schwarzenegger Malfunction stuff earlier is three pages long. Noting the four out of 71 symptoms that match, I conclude, err guess, that I have this condition.

While my colleague, Buz, reads over my shoulder, I recite symptoms from the list.
" 'General clumsiness' and 'general imbalance,' " I say.
" 'Difficulty driving,' 'lack of taste,' 'difficulty feeling feet on ground.' "

"Those aren't symptoms," says Buz.
"Those are your character flaws."

TO BE OR NOT TO BE… A LESBIAN

By Azza Waslati

   SAMBIL nyengir sendiri kayak orang gila, saya mengingat-ingat mimpi semalam yang sedikit gila. Ceritanya saya sedang berduaan dengan seorang sahabat cewek. Terlihat kami sedang ketawa dan having a good time. Tiba-tiba, wajah kami berdekatan, dan before I know it, we locked lips alias kissing. Saya masih bisa merasakan bibirnya… So soft!

   Ya iyalah, bibir cewek! Beda dengan bibir-bibir maskulin yang sering saya cicipi. Meskipun kenyal menantang, tetap saja terasa keras dan kasar! Tapi Melly -teman saya itu-? Uh,… she tasted so sweet. Dan ciumannya? Perfect! Beberapa cowok kadang terlalu antusias mereka seakan sedang menaruh 'pelembab alami' di sekitar bibir saya, yiiks!

   Setelah beberapa saat kissing, voila, dia tiba-tiba topless. Kayaknya Deddi Corbuzier saja nggak mampu menggerakkan tangannya secepat itu. Dan terlihatlah sepasang benda bulat yang sungguh manis dengan topping coklat mungil di ujungnya. Tanpa ragu-ragu saya menyesap daerah yang mampu membuat dia mendesah pelan.

   I love boobs and I'm not afraid to admit it. Sadarkah kamu kalo kita punya ikatan yang terlalu kuat dengan payudara? Bahwa kita semua pasti punya ibu dan merasakan nikmatnya menyusu. Dan di lekuk itulah tempat ternyaman sedunia. Uh, selain pangkuan ibunda tentunya.

   Okay, freeze! Sebelum saya merusak cerita saya tentang boobs-nya Melly, mari kembali ke frame pikiran 'menyesap lingkaran coklat berkerut halus' itu. Pelan-pelan, mulut saya menghisap lembut. Dari setengah payudara yang saya nikmati, bibir saya pelan membelai putingnya yang mengeras. Seakan waktu tak ada habisnya. Gemas, saya gigit pelan 'brown-raisin'-nya dan terdengarlah pekikan tertahan. Saya tertawa dan dia menyeringai.

   "You've been a naughty girl, and now I have to teach you some lesson!" dia menarik tangan saya ke kamar tidur dan saat itulah dada saya berpacu cepat. Man, I'm doomed! Now I have to fuck her, have to fuck her,… Saya begitu ketakutan! Boobs, okay I like it! Tapi memikirkan harus bermain di Miss Mystery-nya yang punya decieving and never ending tunnel [sama dengan punya saya sendiri] membuat saya mual. I'm not ready for this!

   Saking ketakutannya saya terbangun dengan teriakan panjang. Setelah berhasil menjebak oksigen lebih banyak untuk menghentikan nafas saya yang memburu, saya mulai merenungi mimpi saya tadi. Damn! Kenapa saya bangun? Seandainya saya cukup berani untuk bertahan sampai kami bercinta, saya bisa mencoret 1 poin dari list Before 30 yang saya buat begitu memasuki usia 20 tahun: "having a lesbian experience".

   Beberapa poin di atasnya sudah berhasil saya coret.

1. Outdoor intercourse.
2. Making private pornmovies.
3. Mastering The Kamasutra [Well, at least 90% of it! Hey, who could judge whether I'm perfect at it? They all sprayed.]
4. 2 guys in a day.
5. Quicky in the office [In my boss office, ha-ha!].
6. Sex in a car, in an open and crowdy parking lot.

   Eh, sebentar, ponsel saya berbunyi. Wah, SMS. Kebeneran banget, SMS itu dari Melly. Isinya: "Wanna hang out at my place? Just bought a sofa bed and a new DVD!". Oh, God, ini pasti pertanda! Jadi,… haruskah saya mengambil kesempatan ini dan dengan sukses mencoret point ke 11 dari list saya? Or, should I just be 'Normal'? Nanti saya cerita lagi ya… By the way, Melly memang lesbian.

_____
NOTE: My sister here is now officially married with a normal guy. Hope they live hapily ever after. (Now don't think about having a threesome, will ya! Hehehe)